Deeply in the heart

If only you would give me a second glance
If only you could hear the shattering of my heart
Silently, I watch over you
Silently, I wait for a miracle
Silently letting myself be just like the air
Everybody is having a good time here tonight
In the corner, I'm laughing along with the crowd
I am like the leftover onion at the bottom of the plate,
just the seasoning
Secretly, I sneak a glance at you
Secretly, I hide myself away

If you are willing to,
Peel open my heart
Layer by layer by layer
You will discover, you will be surprised
You are my deepest and most
suppressed secret

If you are willing to,
Peel open my heart
Layer by layer by layer
Your nose will run, your tears will flow
If you could only hear, and see my wholeheartedness
Hearing you speak of you and her, the atmosphere shifts
Me and my hopelessness, we seem very amused
I am just like an onion forever playing
the supporting character
How I wish I had a second with you, to make our own story

-The End-

Pendidikan vs Hospitaliti

assalamualaikum

Entry kali ini mengenai kebuntuan fikiran saya. WHY? sebab confuse nak pilih antara Pendidikan di universiti atau bidang Hospitaliti di kolej-kolej tempatan.

Again WHY culinary? Because that was my ambition since i was 15 years old. Dan sebab itu juga lah yang mendorong saya untuk belajar jauh-jauh masa form 4 and 5 dulu. Belajar di sekolah teknik dan vokasional dalam bidang pengurusan makanan dengan harapan lepas SPM nanti dapatlah sambung dalam bidang masak-memasak ni lagi. Tapi harapan hancur-musnah-berkecai dalam sekelip mata lepas bapak tak bagi masuk universiti dulu tuk sambung diploma. tssk -_- last-last STPM juga dahku ambil.

ingat lagi tak? one of my fav cartoon :)  " i was dying to be a chef "

Now, I'm in dilemma. Even tikus pun boleh jadi chef apalagi dahku sebagai manusia? i mean, helooo aku kan manusia. So,should i continue my dream? or should i follow my father's command AGAIN? My father really hopes that one of his children be a teacher just like him. Well my big bro is a part time lecturer. Isn't that considered as a teacher too? 

Nowadays kita belajar di mana-mana pun boleh. Tapi soal pekerjaan memang susah. Tak semestinya sambung dalam bidang pendidikan, masa depan cerah. Well maybe, but i am more interest in cooking and baking things. I don't wanna be a teacher. If i proceed to culinary maybe i can open a restaurant one day and become a businesswoman? Like, who knows kan? But now? 

I still remember 2 years ago masa kemasukan ke universiti bagi pengambilan pelajar diploma, my dad langsung tak bagi muka. Padahal waktu tu dapat banyak tawaran masuk u. But still, my dad want me to continue study pada peringkat STPM sahaja. Sedihnya hati tak terkata waktu tuh. Tapi tetap juga gagahkan diri sambung STPM dan alhamdulillah result pun ok jugak.

Now, i don't have any idea what to do. Kalau tanya kawan ofkos lah dorang kata follow your dream tapi kalau tanya the elders mesti dorang kata follow your father's arahan. -_- 

Never mind. Apa pun cabang yang dahku ambil lepas ni pasti ada hikmahnya. (huhu bajet tenangkan diri sendiri) Tapi still berharap dapat sambung kos masak-masak dan bakar-bakar (baking) lepas ni. Amin. Doakan ja lah. 

hah kau. para chef siap posing lagi kat stor makanan. peace!

Terserlah kegembiraan kami masa first time buat fondant cake. Rindunyaaa time ni :(

dengan cikgu kesayangan. Puan Mathilda Sius. miss u cikgu :')

Itu saja untuk entry kali ni. bye!

Political Views Among Youth

assalamualaikum wbt

Today is tenth day of the missing aircraft MH370 that is known for the best and sophisticated aircraft of all in Malaysia. It is Boeing777200ER. 

But... I don't want to write about this missing aircraft because i know i don't have that much knowledge about it. And i don't want to spread any speculation that can lead to slander. 

The main purpose of this new entry is about political views among the young generation. For this past 10 days, what i can say based on my 'observation' is that, many people especially the youth, had showed their 'kebijaksanaan dan kepandaian' on the social media. Atau lebih tepat lagi kebodohan mereka. 

Kita tidak tahu apa sebenarnya yang terjadi pada MH370 tu. Adakah ini disebabkan rampasan? Atau permainan politik semata-mata? After all this days, still, the aircraft considered missing because there's not a hint that shows this aircraft was being hijack. But maybe. No one knows. 

Okey. Back to the main topic. Tak salah kita sokong mana-mana ideologi politik di Malaysia tapi jangan sampai hilang hormat terhadap orang lain dan jangan sampai hilang kewarasan akal anda, k. Apa yang boleh saya katakan berdasarkan pemerhatian di media sosial terutamanya Facebook, ramai dari golongan remaja mahupun mahasiswa dan mahasiswi mula mengaitkan isu kehilangan MH370 ini dengan kerajaan Malaysia. I mean, pffttt wth? Anuar di hukum penjara setimpal dengan kelakuannya. I still confused with some people yang tak tahu apa-apa mengenai hal politik tapi still menunjukkan kebodohan mereka dengan melemparkan kata-kata yang tidak elok yakni cacian kepada Kerajaan Malaysia. Ada yang mengatakan bahawa ini adalah balasan kepada mereka (government pepol) sebab penjarakan Anuar. Well hellooo, Allah Maha Adil. Apa pun perbuatan kita akan dibalas setimpal dengan kelakuan kita, right? So, kebenaran telah terbukti lah sekarang. Kalau u'ols tak puas hati, pergilah ikut dia masuk penjara sekali. Sorry to say, but this is what I though this few days. Geram sangat -_-

I'm not in any side of this politic ideology. Government or opposition? I'm not interested in both. But doesn't mean I ignore about what happen in our country politic's 'game'. 

Actually I don't want to write long about this. Cukup setakat pengetahuan anda sahaja bahawa masih ada manusia yang berfikiran cetek+sempit=bengong setelah apa yang telah terjadi. Janganlah kita menambahkan beban mereka yang sedang berusaha mencari pesawat MH370 tu lebih-lebih lagi para menteri. 

So, keep praying for them, the passengers and crews of the aircraft. Hopefully they will come back soon and safely. May Allah protect them where ever they are. Aamiin.

*p/s kalau BR1M keluar kemahen lagi korang laju pegi bank kan. bangun awal pagi tak gosok gigi pun sanggup kot semata-mata nak ambil duit. tapi kalau bab mencaci maki, tak ingat pulak dosa pahala. tak ingat dunia takpa asal tak lupa akhirat dah la. 

Obsess towards your boyfriend! come on lah girl!

assalamualaikum w.b.t

i was thinking to write about OBSESS.

there's a saying

it is true indeed -_- depend on the 'things' that makes you obsess. for me, there's two types of obsession. first, positive ways. second, in negative ways.

POSITIVE
For example:
1. An athlete obsessed with the game that he/she played until he/she practiced everyday just to improved his/her skill and do better than anyone else. He/she take it a lot more serious than a lot of people that play sports.*maaf ayat tak brapa nak cantik
2. Parents who always try to be their child's 'friend' by being close to them. they cannot stop thinking about their child if their child have problems.*ibu bapa being prihatin

NEGATIVE
For example:
1. Girlfriend who stalk her boyfriend (FB, IG and any other social media that he have) and willing to do everything for her loved one even though that things will give nothing in return for her. in short, girlfriend who really. really. reaaally in love with her LOYAL boyfriend. LOL loyal lah sangat. *saya pernah jumpa dengan pompuan macam nie. tak heranlah -_-
2. People who had obsession with 'something' that will give bad effects to them and encourage them to do anything to get that 'something'. such as, DRUGS, CAFFEINE or maybe GIRLS?*boys only hahaha


kat atas tu cuma mukadimah ja... :-D

ehem ehem,

back to the point, i want to write about Negative Obsession Example Number 1. yes, yang girlfriend-dia-terlalu-obsess-dengan-boyfriend-dia-tuh-sampai-dia-stalk-semua-media-sosial-yang-boyfriend-dia-ada. why does she had to stalk her boyfriend account if she is already her boyfriend's girlfriend? why? that is because she had an OBSESSION of her boyfriend. do you get it? she want to know everything that happen to her boyfriend. what he's doing. where he is. with who he's now. and etc.. without asking her boyfriend. she want to know it HERSELF. dia nak ambik tahu pasal bf dia sendiri. pendek kata, dia "spy" boyfriend dia.

i know this one girl ( no need to mention her name ) who is really obsess with her boyfriend sampai dia tau pukul berapa bf dia pegi kerja, pulang kerja. that's normal for couple but, she even mention jadual kerja bf dia tuh dekat blog dia ( i know this because i read her entry ). i mean, even if you NEED to remember your bf schedule sekali pun, i don't think you should 'use' his schedule as your entry. Yes! sebagai entry dia. i know how much you loved him, care for him and you try to show your love for him, but i think it should be only between you two. it's not like you both are public figure. nobody, i repeat, NOBODY care about your relationship. so, kalau boleh, letak lah privacy dalam hubungan korang tuh. i'm sorry to say this, but i think your boyfriend get sick of your obsession towards him. i can tell you guys that her social media accounts is all about her boyfriend. i mean, Oh God, please! post something else girl! every time i read your new entry, it's all about your boyfriend. please! that sucks -_-

hari tuh i talk about my friend yang post dekat IG dia and now i talk about this girl who obsess with her boyfriend. i was thinking, are you that desperate nak perhatian daripada your couple? come on girl, jadilah mahal sikit. when you post stuffs like that other people will give their judgement towards you, do you know that? orang akan fikir yang "perempuan zaman sekarang ni macam takda maruah. asyik-asyik nak bekepit ja dengan boyfriend". it's like kaum wanita zaman skang ni takut kalau-kalau dorang takda pasangan sampaikan dorang tak nak lepaskan couple yang dorang ada sekarang ni. halmaklumlah, zaman sekarang kan lebih ramai wanita daripada lelaki.

but now, as far as i know, they had broke up! yes, the end of all of her obsession, they broke up. and as far as i know, her boyfriend no longer loved her like before ( amboi~ kakjah tau nampak? uhukss ) it's all because of her obsession! honestly, as a girl, i know how hurt i would be if you broke up with your lovely dovey boyfriend after you had done everything for him before.

so, moral of the story, don't give too much love and care for someone UNTIL that special person become your wife or husband. simpan baik-baik hati tuh. kalau terluka pun, sikit ja. takda lah parah sampai berdarah-luka-bernanah! :-D see yah! (^_~)

last saying,

like the boyfriend i mention before. kesian.

Please be Mature

assalamualaikum 

hari ni tetiba ingat nak buat entry pasal sorang kawan ni.

ada kena mengena ka dengan tajuk, Please be Mature? Jawapannya Yes! memang ada.

macam ni ceritanya, beberapa hari yang lalu, konon kononnya saya bukak la account Instagram dan masa scroll scroll down tu ternampak la satu gambar yang biasa tapi caption yang diletak tu agak luar biasa. Gambar tu gambar boyfriend dia. tapi caption punya lah panjang-nak-mampos-ala-ala-rumusan-karangan-bahasa-melayu-yang-kita-buat-masa-zaman-sekolah-dulu -.- penat juga lah membacanya ( tapi baca sampai habis jugak lah hee ) bukan apa, kita nak tahu juga kan apa isi hati dia sampai dia luah panjang panjang dekat IG tu. permasalahannya sekarang, ayat ayat yang dilontarkan tu hagak tidak menyenangkan mata dan hati para pembaca ( contohnya Saya sendiri ). ayat caption dia fullaaaamaakk, boleh dikatakan dia mengAGUNG AGUNG kan boyfriend dia tu. macam bf dia yang bagi dia nyawa dekat bumi ni. macam bf dia yang bagi dia makan dekat bumi ni. macam bf dia yang besarkan dia selama ni. macam bf dia yang berkorban pagi petang cari rezeki untuk dia selama ni. macam bf dia yang buat segala galanya untuk dia selama ni. macam macam lagi lah huh -.-' kita baca pun, OK FINE bf kau tuh baik, bf kau tuh hebat, bf kau tuh segala-galanya bagi kau. kita faham selama ni tapi sekarang ni dah over pulak rasanya. kalau kau sayang sangat kat dia biarlah kau dengan Tuhan ja yang tahu. tak payalah kau nak terhegeh hegeh nak bagitau satu dunia. bukan nak doakan lah tapi cuba kau fikir kalau satu hari nanti korang putus ( takda jodoh ) so, apa kau nak buat? setelah selama ni kau puja puja dia tapi tup tup, putus ditengah jalan. peribahasa melayu mengatakan, terlajak perahu boleh diundur, terlajak kata buruk padahnya ( hambek kau peribahasa ) buruk padahnya. apa maksud buruk padahnya? buruk lah padahnya bila kau cakap macam tuh sebab orang mesti fikir yang kau akan kekal dengan dia sampai korang kahwin nanti kan. tapi kalau putus, macam mana nak kahwin?. kita hidup ni kenalah fikirkan apa yang orang lain fikir jugak. not always but sometimes kita kenalah fikir macam tu. don't be selfish! jangan ingat apa yang kita fikir dan buat tu menyenangkan hati orang lain. kita kena tahu juga apa pendapat orang lain tentang perbuatan kita. ni tidak, dalam fikiran asyik cakap 'suka hati akulah' dan buat sesuka hati ja dalam setiap hal. dan hasilnya memakan diri sendiri juga.

lagi satu, kesian mak bapak kau. dorang yang jaga kau dari kecik sampai beso kau tak pernah pun nak mention pasal diorang kat mana mana laman sosial yang kau ada. hidup kau ni boleh dikatakan pasal boyfriend kau jer. orang lain bosan lah dengan cerita kau yang dah dianggap basi tuh. tak payah cakap orang lain lah. saya sebagai kawan pun rasa macam tuh. ni bukan luahan hati, tapi harap bila kau baca ni at least kau sedar juga lah yang kawan kau ni dah menyampah dengan sikap kau sekarang.

anyway, aku doakan supaya kau lebih MATANG dalam hal ni. takpayah nak kecoh satu dunia pasal boyfriend kau tuh. kau tuh bukannya budak sekolah lagi. orang kata, kalau kahwin dah ada anak 2 dah. lagi satu boyfriend kau tuh tak lah hensem sangat aku tengok. takda kot orang peduli kalau kau buat buku pasal dia pun. kau rileks je. kalau korang ada jodoh, kahwin juga tuh. tapi kalau takda aku senyum je ( ayat mantap ).

 kalau satu hari nanti kau stalk aku, mesti kau akan baca entry ni :) jadi, kau fikir fikirkan lah apa yang dah ditulis kat atas tuh k. and kepada readers, saya harap korang tak buat benda yang macam budak budak ni. Tidak Matang. ok bye!

KAWAN or LAWAN

assalamualaikum <3 

Atau nama lainnya, KAWAN OR LAWAN ^_^

 Hai semua ;) hari ni rasa macam nak update belog pasal kawan or lawan. beberapa hari ni saya rasa macam lain jer ( hah, tak tau lah apa yang lain nye tu ) semalam saya update pasal result STPM kan, so hari ni nak cite sikit pasal kawan. Masa dekat sekolah kita semua happy sebab dapat jumpa dengan kengkawan kan. Dapat belajar, makan, borak dan tak kurang jugak gosip hiburan semasa bersama, kan. So rasa macam free ja, happy ja kalau dengan diorang. Tapi bila dah bab EXAM ni, macam macam hal dan perasan yang datang/ jadi. Kalau kawan A dapat result lebih baik daripada kawan B ni, mesti kawan B tak puas hati dengan si A tadi kan. Pastu mula lah citer yang tak elok keluar dari mulut kawan B ni. Kawan A tu meniru lah, dapat soalan bocor tapi tak nak share2 dengan kawan yang lain lah and macam macam lagi lah versi citernye. Kawan B ni citer dekat kawan kawan yang lain. Kesian si A kan. Dia dah usaha tapi kawan dia buat gosip pula pasal dia dekat kawan kawan yang lain tu. Sepatutnya, sebagai kawan, si B ni ucaplah tahniah dan bangga juga lah dia ada kawan yang pandai kan. Bukannya nak cakap buruk buruk pasal si A tu. Tak patut lah. Orang kata TERSERLAH KETIDAKMATANGAN mu di situ :) Kalau dah kes macam ni, kita patut tak kata si B ni kawan? or lawan si A? Dalam kes ni macam LAWAN kan. Hal hal macam ni memang selalu terjadi. Tak heran lah kan. Tapi kalau hal ni berleluasa, maka wujudlah golongan golongan yang... pandai pandai lah korang fikir ye. So, hopefully kawan kawan saya takda yang macam si B ni. Hipokrit! 

Jadi, kalau nak jadi sahabat sejati kita kenalah sentiasa doa doa kan yang baik untuk kawan kita. Susah senang ditanggung bersama. Jangan bila kawan lakukan satu kesilapan kita lupa tentang seribu kebaikannya pada kita. Dan jangan bila kawan kita happy pasal dapat sesuatu yang baik kita nak jeles dan cakap buruk buruk pasal dia. Terima dia seadanya. Walaupun dalam diri setiap manusia tu ada ja yang kita tak suka tapi terimalah dia seadanya. Itu mungkin kekurangan yang ada padanya, tapi kelebihan dirinya lah yang membuatkan kita nak kawan dengan dia kan. So, jangan jadi kawan yang jahat. Tu bukan kawan namanya, ok!. 

Back stab is sooo much more painful than stabbing in the front HAHA :')

Dan satu perkara yang membuatkan persahabatan tu tahan lama/kekal ialah SETIA. Jangan ingat kapel/suami isteri ja yang patut guna istilah ni, sahabat pun guna tau :) Setia bersama dalam suka mahupun duka. Jangan sesekali berkawan atas dasar pentingkan diri! JANGAN! Allah Maha Adil. Kalau kita bodoh bodoh kan seseorang tu and cuma cari dia masa kita perlukan sesuatu, pasti kita akan terima balasan nanti kan. Mungkin bukan dalam hubungan persahabatan tu, tapi dalam lain lain hal. Hidup ni ibarat roda, kadang kita berada di atas, kadang kita di bawah. Mungkin sekarang kita di atas, tapi siapa tahu kita mungkin berada di bawah esok dan waktu kita berada di bawah tu lah kita boleh nampak siapa kawan dan siapa lawan. Even bila berada di puncak pun kita boleh tau siapa kawan or lawan, apalagi bila jatuh kan :) Renung renungkan dan selamat beramah ( style profeser Izzy haji Ali ahah :D ) 

p/s:: mood kite serius hari ni -_-

STPM Result!

assalamualaikum <3

hey guys! sorry i haven't update this belog. :) been busy with works. oh oh sikit lupa, happy February (^_^)

Ok straight to the point. ( mood serius ala ala doktor nak cucuk jarum kat tgn kite ) Yesterday ( 10th February ) we, STPM candidates got the result for semester 3. as usual yeahh i got sooo nervous. this wasn't the first time i'd been nervous for getting my result but its just ( hmmm i got no words to describe my feelings -_- HAHA.) to be honest, i am happy because i didn't expected i will get a good result ( based on my effort on it ). i'm not show off but that's the reality. the past semester, i'll make sure to target what grade i WANT to get for each subject. but not this semester. i didn't even struggled until late night. i do what i want; sleep, watch tv, online etc. i just didn't feel like study anymore because it was the final semester. but i did some revision everyday. sometimes i feel like no spirit to study. maybe i was just to tired to study ( stpm susah beb, serius! ).

Another story, there's someone on facebook post a status about STPM and i agree about what she said. "... Hanya pelajar STPM sahaja yang tahu macam mana susahnya exam STPM nih. Bagi pelajar u yang lain, dapat 3 pointer tu senang je tapi bagi kami pelajar STPM dapat 3 pointer tu kami kena belajar bagai nak rak. Pa lagi nak dapat 4 flat kan. Senang je korang cakap kan. Cuba korang masuk pra u untuk satu bulan, tahan ke dak?..." She post some kind like this la. yes, it is true indeed. what i'm trying to say here is that, i found that not everyone can understand the hardship of what we'd been through. i mean, if we got bad result for example, some people will just JUMP to the conclusion and say that we didn't do enough revision and whatsoever! but they didn't know how hard we had tried to get a better and awesome result. it's just make me disappointed :-/ i just hope they will be more understanding. not everything easy to achieve without hard work. yeah i know that but we ( people ) got different ability to achieve something. it depend on ourselves. and i admit, i am not that good and smart to get 4 flat ( kecewa )

I just write what i got in my mind now. this got nothing to do for others. last saying, STPM susah beb. kalau ko ada chance nak sambung study kat u lain baik ko pegi sana dpd ko duduk memerah otak study tuk jawab exam stpm. i say this based on my experience lah. k, bye.

2014, Worse or Worsen?

assalamualaikum <3

Today is the beginning of the new year, 2014! Every time the new year is coming, I was hoping for a new bright day for me. I always want my day goes smoothly without any problem. It same goes to this year. That's how people think. We always want what we think is the best for us. But we know Allah had arranged our life. Plus, it is greater than we expected. :) 

But, there's something come across my mind. Will this new year be more good and peaceful than the past years? Will this earth be more healthy than the past years as its age is getting older? Will the people ( us ) live peacefully together than the past years? Are those people whom live around with a worry / fear because of warfare will become calm this year? Is the war between Palestin and Israel will come to the end? ( for this we know it's not going to happen ).

This is what I'm going to talk about. We had seen so much disaster happening to this earth. Whether it is natural disaster, the curse of war and whatsoever. It had happened! So I was thinking, are we going to see more beauty of this world as it had show us some sign that it was already sick and old enough to produce more beautiful nature? I am sure everyone of us hoping for a good and beautiful new life this year. But we also must be ready and prepare ourselves for some bad or unexpected situation.  Many had suffered in this world. Maybe last year was a good year but we don't know what will happen this year. Is it gonna be worse or worsen?

But, just stay positive but don't be too happy to the max! okey?

My New Year Resolution (NYR)

assalamualaikum <3

January 1st 2014

Today, on 1st January 2014 I am 20 years old. Not officially but ... yeah, the number increase from 1+ to 2+. Hmm does not feel like I am 20 now. Cause its the first day for 2014.

Ok. So today I want to share some of my New Year Resolution that I had thought a few days ago. Yeah, just a few days before the new year. Well speaking about this New Year Resolution, I suddenly remember about last year presentation. It was Madam Lilian class, MUET class. She told us to prepare a writing with a title "My New Year Resolution". At first, I had a few resolution that I wanted to achieve for 2013. However, I think I didn't resolve them all. So this year, I will not thinking about doing something that extremely challenging that had no limit ( bunyik macam hebat sangat ) like the past years. 

So, back to the point. For this year, I was thinking about some things to do because I had lots of free time as I already finish my study in 2013. I was thinking to look for a job while waiting for my STPM result. I am working right now but it is just an additional job. I only work for 2 and a half week for this. ( why am I talking about this actually? It is out of topic. Confused 0_o )

In short, this is my new year resolution ( after talking nonsense ) :

1. Get my first salary ( this is guarantee. I am working haha )
2. Get a driving license ( oh! almost forgot, this was one of my NYR last year )
3. Taking a piano lesson ( insyaAllah. really hoping for this )
4. Be an awesome blogger ( support me ok! ^_~ )

5. Buy a new phone ( depend on my salary huahuahua )

6. Be a good daughter, sister and friend ( insyaAllah )

7. Continue study ( Degree insyaAllah )

8. Able to do split ( angan2 mau masuk kelas taekwondo tapi tidak dapat hahaha )

9. Lead to a healthy life ( exercise lah selalu )

10. Become more mature and extra gorgeous ( hamboi~ kelas kau kakjah )

11. Improve myself to be better 

12. Be positive 

So after a few days, this all that I thought about. I hope I can achieve it all. One by one. Slowly as long as I'm determine. Aamiiin. So, Happy New Year guys :)